You know, sometimes, k make it MOST OF THE TIME I really hate my overactive imagination.
Other than the fact that it affects my riding A LOT (that'd be an understatement), it can sort of affect my mood and make me all paranoid.

So anw, I've been thinking. How do you know whether you're in love? I'm not really sure whether I've blogged about this but whatever. -.-

Are you in love when you're so afraid of the other person leaving you? Is that love or insecurity? I saw a quote on tumblr some time back. It goes something like, 'You know you're in love when you see him talking to another girl and you're afraid that hes falling in love.'

Is it?

If it is, then I'm definitely in love. But i don't know. I really don't. Its like i am ALWAYS and i really mean ALWAYS, very afraid of losing you.
I don't know what has gotten into me. I am not usually like that. But the thing is, its like i am expecting the heartbreak. Prolly not anytime in the near future, but i get this feeling that its gonna happen. And the best part, I am gonna be the one witnessing the whole thing. Like a retard.

I really hope its just me being paranoid and all, and what i think is not gonna happen. Cause i forsee that i'll prolly be emo. Like for a REALLY long time. And that is kinda rare. D:

It doesn't really help that I feel inadequate. Like I'm not good enough. K fine, you're prolly gonna say, ' No, you're not. You're fine.' Or something along those lines. But the thing is, you're saying it cause you're the settler, the better one in the relationship.

Thats why i constantly say that we will not last, or that i keep asking you weird questions like, ' what if next time you go uni and then there is this sudden influx of girls and you suddenly don't like me anymore?'

I honestly don't like to ask all these.

But the thing is, I needed an assurance, that whatever that is playing on my mind like some sappy, melodramatic drama doesn't come true. And all i want, is just a definite answer. Not blaming you or scolding you or what, but half the time, you just go like, 'I don't know.' or 'won't la!' and look somewhere else or change the topic.

It hurts. It feels as if what i think doesn't matter. I don't like to constantly battle my inner thoughts. In fact, I HATE IT. (That'd be an understatement). All I want is a peace of mind. Like everybody else. I don't like to think. I hate thinking. Even when i read, i put myself into the shoes of the main character, and can really see what the character sees and feels.

It sucks.

K. I shall shut up.

In conclusion (LOLOLOL), the tumblr quote is not true to a certain extent. I mean, for me, all those fear are just all my insecurities acting up. Nothing special.