The first person to show any sign of emotion, loses.

I lose.

Hello.
So anyway, I'm typing this on Omm Writer, and I'm obliged to use correct punctuation and grammar and all cause the words and noise are just toooo pretty to resist.

Anw, back to whatever I wanted to talk about. I was thinking about the many masks that people hide in every single day, in front of many different people. I'm not saying its a bad thing. To me, it is more of a defence mechanism to prevent oneself form getting judged by insecure, backstabbers out there. Lets face it, we ALL judge. Whether you like it all not.

So, how will we actually know how our friends are feeling right now. Not everybody can look into a person's eyes and be able to recognise that your friend is having a bad day. If a good friend were to offend me, do I get show that I am hurt on the spot? No, I would probably smile and pretend that all is well and that it does not affect me at all. Unless you look into my eyes.

From there, how can we tell how much you yourself mean to someone? You never know. I don't trust words. But thats just me, that does not mean that they cannot be trusted. Especially from people who are important to you. You will never understand how other people look at you, how they see you from their point of view. You'll prolly never know the difference you made in their lifes.

I bet that at some point in time, you would have made a difference in someone's life. Even if its just a simple gesture of saying thank you to some one who.... gave up their seat for you. Do you honestly see the gratitude on their faces? Even if they smile? I don't think so, I think that we see the gratitude in people's eyes.

Just like a mask, everything is covered except the eyes. Eyes are the windows to the soul, but sadly, many of us cannot see or rather refuse to.

WOW I HAVE BEEN POSTING PRETTY OFTEN. HAHAHA! GOT PEOPLE READ MEH?! If someone ever does, text/tweet/inform me k! I'd like to know. So interesting.

So frustrated. So, so frustrated. K i take that at would be an understatement. I feel like shit, i feel like my brain just got bulldozed then dissolved in acid. pfft.

Such an unfamiliar feeling. D:

I don't know why. Why you everything also don't know. Don't know what you want, don't know how you feel, don't know why you fat? Loser sia.

On the plus side, I do know that I should not give up. Cause in the end, if it does fail, I can at least say that i tried. CHEH. STEP ONE WISE AND DEEP. HAHAHA!

KKKKK. gonna go paint nails. Nail polish makes me happy man. Teehee

I hate it, when i open my heart and show my emotions to someone important.
I dont know why. Maybe because it shows my vulnerability. It gives the person power to hurt me. I admire people who can do that. Constantly baring their souls. I wish i could do that really. maybe then, I wouldn't need to hide, hide behind whatever.

Anw, I don't think you care anymore. Really. I see the end.

So hard to talk to you about this. You're never free, always doing something. Always. Besides, I can tell that you're reaching your limit.

I can't feel anything from you. I feel like I'm just a habit that you have, something you're so used to having.

Its not like i never tell you this before. You always go all sad and say okay i'll change or something. But you never do. I mean, i dont need you to change. I just need you to understand why i act irrational sometimes. Doubt you'd remember though. Is this how much i mean to you?

Do you still care? Honestly you're the first one i open my heart to. And i'm afraid of what you can do with it.

Childhood dream: To sing.

As i get older, this dream tend to fade. Until I see something that reminded me of it. Like youtube videos and such. Only then I remember that i have such an aspiration. What the hell was i doing in between? Pretty much trying to please people around me by doing things I don't like to do.

Why do i even try to please people around me? Sure they notice, for awhile. And then after that, they just forget. And the best part, pleasing them through things THEY think is good. Not things i like. Do I honestly like science THAT much? No. I just happen to be good at it. (They as in parents)

Do I like sports? I'm okay with it, but not really into it. Just in it cause.... yeah.

What do i really like? I like to draw. As in really draw, not draw atoms kinda draw. I wanna learn how to dance, or play the piano. Not netball or track or some other sport. Sure, I love the sports im doing now. But if i were given a choice as a kid, would i have chosen a sport? No.

So anw, childhood dreams. I feel that they are the ones who truly reflect who you are. Not the person that your parents, your environment or the people around have shaped you to become. The dreams that you have as you get older, are the ones you THINK you should achieve. Not the ones you actually want. Honestly, how many people aspire to be an accountant simply because they like numbers? Few and far between. I bet the people who aspire to be accountants were conditioned to think that such a job would earn them loadsa moolah (which it would), and would bring them lots of happiness.

Sure, i totally agree that in this age, money can buy you happiness. Material or not. But, maybe as you get older, like for example when you're 65, all rich and high up in the career ladder, you realise theres something missing, something that you've always wanted to do, but never did.

And you'd probably never figure out what it is. That, is probably what you wanted to do as a kid.

Even if it was all stupid like making a bag out of vegetables, if it were something you really wanted to do when you were young, just it. We were all weaned out of our imagination and things we know we're good at.

If you're doing what you wanted to do as a kid, good for you. If like me, never gotten a chance to prove yourself, do it NOW.

Gonna learn how to play the guitar then maybe condition my voice to sing using the chords. HAHA! K gotta postpone though. D: Sian.

I'm prolly not making much sense here. But oh well.

Hellllooooooooo! (Not really sure to who. LOL)

So anyway, a little birdie told me that i have changed. Have I?
I don't really know. Its like i still like the same things, still have the same temper, but probably a different stress level. Hmm. Thats about it. I guess

I dunno. Its like when I'm a certain kinda person (me being straightforward) its not okay with a friend, which is LY in this situation. So, me being ridiculously stupid, decides to change. Like ya know, watch my words. Which btw, is pretty hard. So i tend to get withdrawn and all.

After awhile, this habit tend to stick. And therefore, i remain and all.
THEN, another friend will say that I've changed. In which case, i wouldn't have noticed.

Aiya whatever la. Can't be bothered to explain. Just gonna study pregnancy and lactation.