Random thoughts

Hello blog. Haven't been seeing you very often have I? Life's pretty good at the mo'. I thought I would regret taking the year off from my studies, but I guess not. This is probably one of the best time of my life. After graduation, Nepal. Nepal has got to be one of the MOST beautiful places in the world. I love the people, the weather, the views, EVERYTHING. Swear. I miss the mountains really. Work's really awesome actually, once I overlook the bitchy people there. Anw, I'm not really sure whether I am too naive or not. One, I really do believe that all bad things are blessings in disguise. I like to think that you can learn more from bad experiences as compared to good ones. Good things are meant to be savoured and bad ones make good lessons. And I mean really good. Two, I have a habit of giving people chances again and again. Its like, I can forgive a person really easily just because I choose to see the good in them instead of the things the do to me. I.e. The pain the inflict on me. Three, I dream wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much. Then again, there is never a limit to dreaming. Its just that as we grow up, we lose the ability to dream big. Instead, most of us prefer to follow the path set out for us, or the path most taken by other people. In other words, the safer path. While, I, being the weirdo that I am, would rather do something different. Sometimes just for the sake of it. That's not the point. The point is, I don't want to end up like the kind of dreamer who doesn't turn their dreams into reality. I want to be the kind who will achieve what is in my head. And because of that, I am afraid of going back to the safer path in life, just because of fear. The fear of the unknown. I don't want to be afraid of taking risks. I do not want to think about what could have been. I do not want to die with regrets. What other people can do, I can do it too. Because I am also human. - Frankie.

Y'know,sometimes i wished you actually visit this space. Simply because i explain myself better here. Maybe imma try to be totally thick skinned and ask you to read it tmr. ._.

Honestly, to me, the perfect date is just to cuddle somewhere (and i mean cuddling) or anywhere where we can just discuss about anything under the sun. Obviously the best place imo is at the beach where theres the sea breeze and stars and all.But its totally okay if we don't go there. LOL!

I am that kinda girl who doesn't need expensive gifts or expensive restaurant food. I only want your time and attention. Call me an attention-whore, whatever.

Somehow, i die a little inside whenever you forget something i say or are just don't notice obvious hints. It feels like i don't matter. Okay to be honest, i want the attentiveness. Dunno why, maybe cause it makes me feel needed.

It always feels like you don't need me. I throw stupid tantrums because i want your attention. Yes just like a kid. (Guess it applies even during older years)I get annoyed when i text you a long ass message, put in effort to put the emoticons and all and you reply me with a half-hearted answers. I hate that. It feels like a one-sided effort y'know what i mean? It hurts okay. Especially when its about something about the relationship. If you don't give me the attention i crave, i will go to another source. Subconsciously creating a barricade between you and my feelings.

I believe i have told you this at least 9000 times.

I'm sorry for being so sensitive and needy. I can't help it. All i want is some communication. Not material goods. :(

They say that you'll you know when you're in love.
I don't know. Am i in love? :(

Not ready for this. Seriously.
But the thing is, I can't bear to leave. It hurts. Really

Since it hurts, can I say that I am in love? Or could it be caused from separation anxiety (K, wrong choice of words, but you know la. LOL).

Hate this. Wish I could be like everybody else and feel with their heart. I can't. D:

Honestly, the phrase 'in love' sounds so.....so.... scary. I feel weird using it actually. I don't know why. Commitment phobia maybe?

I really admire people who know what they want, in matters of the heart that is.

The first person to show any sign of emotion, loses.

I lose.

Hello.
So anyway, I'm typing this on Omm Writer, and I'm obliged to use correct punctuation and grammar and all cause the words and noise are just toooo pretty to resist.

Anw, back to whatever I wanted to talk about. I was thinking about the many masks that people hide in every single day, in front of many different people. I'm not saying its a bad thing. To me, it is more of a defence mechanism to prevent oneself form getting judged by insecure, backstabbers out there. Lets face it, we ALL judge. Whether you like it all not.

So, how will we actually know how our friends are feeling right now. Not everybody can look into a person's eyes and be able to recognise that your friend is having a bad day. If a good friend were to offend me, do I get show that I am hurt on the spot? No, I would probably smile and pretend that all is well and that it does not affect me at all. Unless you look into my eyes.

From there, how can we tell how much you yourself mean to someone? You never know. I don't trust words. But thats just me, that does not mean that they cannot be trusted. Especially from people who are important to you. You will never understand how other people look at you, how they see you from their point of view. You'll prolly never know the difference you made in their lifes.

I bet that at some point in time, you would have made a difference in someone's life. Even if its just a simple gesture of saying thank you to some one who.... gave up their seat for you. Do you honestly see the gratitude on their faces? Even if they smile? I don't think so, I think that we see the gratitude in people's eyes.

Just like a mask, everything is covered except the eyes. Eyes are the windows to the soul, but sadly, many of us cannot see or rather refuse to.

WOW I HAVE BEEN POSTING PRETTY OFTEN. HAHAHA! GOT PEOPLE READ MEH?! If someone ever does, text/tweet/inform me k! I'd like to know. So interesting.

So frustrated. So, so frustrated. K i take that at would be an understatement. I feel like shit, i feel like my brain just got bulldozed then dissolved in acid. pfft.

Such an unfamiliar feeling. D:

I don't know why. Why you everything also don't know. Don't know what you want, don't know how you feel, don't know why you fat? Loser sia.

On the plus side, I do know that I should not give up. Cause in the end, if it does fail, I can at least say that i tried. CHEH. STEP ONE WISE AND DEEP. HAHAHA!

KKKKK. gonna go paint nails. Nail polish makes me happy man. Teehee

I hate it, when i open my heart and show my emotions to someone important.
I dont know why. Maybe because it shows my vulnerability. It gives the person power to hurt me. I admire people who can do that. Constantly baring their souls. I wish i could do that really. maybe then, I wouldn't need to hide, hide behind whatever.

Anw, I don't think you care anymore. Really. I see the end.

So hard to talk to you about this. You're never free, always doing something. Always. Besides, I can tell that you're reaching your limit.

I can't feel anything from you. I feel like I'm just a habit that you have, something you're so used to having.

Its not like i never tell you this before. You always go all sad and say okay i'll change or something. But you never do. I mean, i dont need you to change. I just need you to understand why i act irrational sometimes. Doubt you'd remember though. Is this how much i mean to you?

Do you still care? Honestly you're the first one i open my heart to. And i'm afraid of what you can do with it.